The Fam Bam
(The "fam bam" is what my cousins and I call our family, hence the heading.)
This is a family photo on my parents’ 22nd wedding anniversary. My family from Chicago came over that weekend so we really didn’t have an intention to celebrate that weekend. However my dad’s siblings came over, as a surprise, with a cake and this is a photo my eldest cousin, Shon, took. Initially I couldn’t remember why I’m the only one dressed up in this picture. Then I remembered my cousin, Merin- who is my age, and I had plans to go out that night. However when my family came over, those plans were thwarted. I hadn’t seen Merin and her brother Justin in seven years. My family and I were really shocked to see my family (dad’s siblings) on my parents’ anniversary, especially since they don’t get along very well. I don’t want to say that the siblings don’t love each other, because they do in their own way, however I feel like they spend more time being fake with each other. A lot like this moment. We were really happy to see them, but this wouldn’t be the first time they acted like this ideal family in front of others (especially extended family who don’t really see us often).
This is a family photo on my parents’ 22nd wedding anniversary. My family from Chicago came over that weekend so we really didn’t have an intention to celebrate that weekend. However my dad’s siblings came over, as a surprise, with a cake and this is a photo my eldest cousin, Shon, took. Initially I couldn’t remember why I’m the only one dressed up in this picture. Then I remembered my cousin, Merin- who is my age, and I had plans to go out that night. However when my family came over, those plans were thwarted. I hadn’t seen Merin and her brother Justin in seven years. My family and I were really shocked to see my family (dad’s siblings) on my parents’ anniversary, especially since they don’t get along very well. I don’t want to say that the siblings don’t love each other, because they do in their own way, however I feel like they spend more time being fake with each other. A lot like this moment. We were really happy to see them, but this wouldn’t be the first time they acted like this ideal family in front of others (especially extended family who don’t really see us often).
These two pictures were taken at a barbeque at my house. Upon entering my backyard, the men and women separated themselves almost immediately after being greeted by my parents. This is quite unintentional, because they don’t realize they’re doing it most of the time. The women generally gossip about different things, talk about their kids and how they do in school, and their behavior at home— a lot of kid-comparing goes on here. With the men, when I walked around with the mango lassi (YUM!), I heard snippets of political talk and how politically run our church, St. Andrews Mar Thoma Church, is. They’ve talked about reform and of the changing general body (anyone member 18 or older is part of the general body). Since March 7, I have been 18 thus making me a member of the general body. At first I was happy to be part of it so I could contribute to the remaking of and arguments about the church. It didn’t take long to realize my opinion didn’t mean much to the elders because of my age.
Sister Dear
This is a picture of my sister (left) and I. We pretty much had the same kind of upbringing, yet I speak more Malayalam (language of Kerala, India) than she does. I looked into why it is that I speak more Malayalam, and why she has an American accent when she does speak Malayalam. When I asked my mom, she told me it’s because of my interest in learning and improving the way I speak Malayalam. Yet it’s very interesting to see how different we are in that aspect. We both dance Bharathanatyam, granted I have for longer, and we learned Malayalam (in Malayalam class) equally, yet... She has quite the American accent. I’ve also realized that I have more of an appreciation for the Indian culture. When I talked to my sister, she said that she “loves India and Kerala and stuff, but not as much as you [I] do. You [I] get what Liza aunty [our dance teacher] is saying in her description of what story our dances are telling and you [I] just get Malayalam. That’s you [me].” My mother also said that Sarah didn’t speak Malayalam as a baby, but I did. However, so did my brother (who was born in India) and his Malayalam is pretty bad as well. So, I guess there are a lot of factors as to why the amount we can speak and how well we speak Malayalam differs.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Malayalees
(From left to right: Janice, cousin; Jaime, cousin; Janiya, cousin; Me; Sarah, sister)
A Malayalee is the name for those who are from Kerala, India. This a picture of my girl cousins on my dad’s side; my father’s siblings’ daughters. Janice speaks, writes, and reads Malayalam quite well. Jaime can as well, however her pronunciation has a rather thick American accent. Janiya is only three years old and knows how to speak Malayalam really well. It’s interesting because when she speaks in English to us, she has a strong Indian accent. It’s really cute actually. Janice and Janiya are sisters, and at their house, they only speak Malayalam. My grandparents speak Malayalam only, so to interact they need to speak in Malayalam. My grandmother knows English though, she was a teacher back in Kerala, but she prefers to speak in Malayalam and would rather her grandchildren know how to speak Malayalam.
A Malayalee is the name for those who are from Kerala, India. This a picture of my girl cousins on my dad’s side; my father’s siblings’ daughters. Janice speaks, writes, and reads Malayalam quite well. Jaime can as well, however her pronunciation has a rather thick American accent. Janiya is only three years old and knows how to speak Malayalam really well. It’s interesting because when she speaks in English to us, she has a strong Indian accent. It’s really cute actually. Janice and Janiya are sisters, and at their house, they only speak Malayalam. My grandparents speak Malayalam only, so to interact they need to speak in Malayalam. My grandmother knows English though, she was a teacher back in Kerala, but she prefers to speak in Malayalam and would rather her grandchildren know how to speak Malayalam.
Around the Dinner Table
This is a photo of my family and our neighbors at Spice Village in Yonkers, NY. Something as simple as seating at a restaurant enforces the Indian idea of male dominance within families. The father figures usually sit at the head of the table, followed by their wives. The children just sit wherever they want, but the father is always at the head. The significance is that is makes it seem as if the father is “overlooking” his family at the dinner table, much like his role in the family. I don’t know what the setup is like in different families and cultures, but if it’s like this setup, I’m sure the concept is, fundamentally, the same. When I was younger, I never really liked this setup, because it gave my dad that “big brother” feel, even though he was just executing the idea he grew up with. As I grew up, I suppose I just got used to it. It doesn’t bother me as much now, because I know my dad can’t really help it because he was taught that that was the correct way to think. I’m all for equality though, so at times it does irk me, but how do you change that idea when the root of it is culture?
One of Us
These photos were taken the day after a Christmas party thrown at my house. In the first photo, the obviously not Indian man is my uncle Mike. He married my Raina Aunty and the whole family was against it. In fact, they were shunned for their marriage, which my parents found unfair. Being quite traditional, our family likes to keep our culture alive and so they shun interracial marriage. Even marriage between Indian states is looked down upon. For us, marriage is more than the union between two people; it’s the union between two families. The families have to be able to communicate without a problem, and because every Indian state has its own language, it poses a problem with communication. That being said, many of our family members were iffy about our invitation extended to Raina Aunty and Mike, but my parents still love them, even though they didn’t really approve of their marriage at first. They changed their mind after seeing how much they do love each other, and their four beautiful children-- Amaya, Anissa, Avishai, and Alina. We all fell in love with their kids and I never had an issue with interracial marriage to begin with. In the photo on the right, the obviously not Indian girl is Taryn. She is Mike’s niece. We were all a little caught off guard when we saw her because we met her for the first time and weren’t expecting her, but I took it upon myself to make sure she didn’t feel left out. My cousins, my favorite people, did the same thing.
A Love So Confusing
This is a photo of my dad’s siblings and spouses (except my uncle in the wife beater, he’s from Chicago and my dad’s cousin). The generally dynamic of my family is out-of-whack; completely full of fakers. These are one of the good days where they can sit down and enjoy each other's company, but there’s always discomfort lurking beneath all that. We do have these get-togethers often, but it either ends in an argument or a “discussion” after we (my dad, mom, siblings, and I) leave. There’s a lot of history of pent up anger, jealousy, and frustration in this family, however I know my family loves us (the cousins). Most of my time revolves around my family. We always have get-togethers, parties, or prayers. The truth is that even though everyone is is a bit twisted by pain and the past, they love each other very much, and I can’t imagine my life without them. Besides, we all need a little drama in our lives, right?